“The
difference between my darkness and your darkness is that I can look at my own
badness in the face and accept its existence while you are busy covering your
mirror with a white linen sheet. The difference between my sins and your sins
is that when I sin I know I'm sinning while you have actually fallen prey to
your own fabricated illusions. I am a siren, a mermaid; I know that I am
beautiful while basking on the ocean's waves and I know that I can eat flesh
and bones at the bottom of the sea. You are a white witch, a wizard; your
spells are manipulations and your cauldron from hell yet you wrap yourself in
white and wear a silver wig.” ― C. JoyBell C.
I recently played back a conversation I had at the beginning when we started dating.... He got a phone call at some point in the
middle of the night from a girl asking to be sorted out money-wise because she
was in a fix . He said no, he couldn't and gave some excuse and the
conversation ended. In the morning I asked again why would someone call you in
the middle of the night to ask you for money and why single you out of the
whole list of friends or everyone in their phone book and I too got
some excuse for the same. As i progressed with my annoyingly inquisitive way so
came the story.
After I listened to it ,I asked one very vital question, who is
she to you ? And immediately came the response´ she was a one night
stand......´ a few minutes of silence later came again another response ´no she
was more than a one night stand.´ So I pondered and asked again ´so how come
your no longer together?´ and he goes like ´she was the one who pushed herself
to me, she had told all her friends we were dating even before we were and
after all she new I had a girlfriend.´ mmhhh ! I thought and then I
asked AGAIN, ´ so you still slept with her , took her out and did all those
things you did with her and she knew you had a girlfriend ?... did you tell her
this before you started your so called affair or did you just assume she
knew ? ´ and he went silent then minutes later again came the retort ´she
knew I had a girlfriend. I mean, everyone knew I had a girlfriend ......´
Fast forward to a few years later, here I was being
told this story and the one critical question I asked my self then was what if
this girl was me? .... whatever happened, happened but how would
someone who you apparently had a thing with while they were still with someone
else not even be sure of what exactly you were to them or what you even did or
had. And this same person will call you , text you every so often and all this
while you are supposed to be friends of some sort ??
Maybe its just me , or I have put to much thought into this, but
I value a lot the mark or impression I leave behind. Not necessarily what
someone thinks of me but if anything if we were remotely close or somewhat
had something or anything, I would not wish to be put in a category
together with all the others...........
if anything to salvage face at-least is to have
someone know what it is I meant to them or what I signify ..... Off-course not
everything will ever go as planned or go the movie way happy ending et al
but in the end you have either made your peace with what transpired
or dealt with the underlying issues ......
This is just me thinking out loud but what I do know is :What you tell me about others is what
you will tell others about me...............
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